2 Poems by Ryan Meehan: "The Embassy of Necessity" and "Automatic, Problematic"

Hello! Thrilled to have more contributions to the 2017 Community Poetry Blog. This time, we are fortunate to have two poems from Ryan Meehan: "The Embassy of Necessity" and "Automatic, Problematic." Enjoy and keep those submissions coming--you still have three more days before they close. More contributions coming as well. Thanks & best!

The Embassy of Necessity 

Lord, Have mercy on my soul
For not always being able to see
The difference between the things for which I wish
And the things that I so desperately need

I need a better understanding of patience
A firmer grasp on my frivolous desires
A system of self-reassessment
Before my time on this earth expires

I’ve erroneously assumed my difficulties will flee
That they will work themselves out in due time
I need you to stay with me for this next part of the poem
Because what I’m about to say will not rhyme

I would like a meatball sub, but I don’t need one. And even if I did need one, that meatball sub wouldn’t fix the litany of personal problems that are consistently occurring in my life. I’ve made so many mistakes at this point that alphabetizing them would take other lifetimes, let alone assigning them to categories that would make the individuals organizing such miscues want to beat me over the head with the filing cabinet marked “Friday’s faux pas”. And let me tell you, that’s an awfully large file cabinet. Ironically, most of its contents hold the ghosts of gaffes past which were a result of my hard headed nature…Thus rendering their attempted cranial bludgeoning useless, forcing the administrative assistant to quit shortly thereafter and leave yet even more work for the poor bastard who ends up replacing them.

Whew...I need a cigarette, and that’s real talk.

I probably need a cup of coffee too, but I also need to get a good night’s sleep soon.
And I probably need to stop relying on others for my basic everyday needs...
So, you gonna bum me that smoke or what?

Nevermind...I suppose the Marlboro is trivial
As well as the warm cup of joe
It’s the macro lifestyle alterations
That sincerely allow us to grow

I’ve got long strides to make internally

When it comes to the strength of my faith
The intentions are good, there’s no question of that...
But the actions just aren’t quite in place

See, I need many more years of practice

Before I’m convinced I can preach
Because those who can, do - true enough
But those really can, teach

I need the world to believe I’m a good person
As opposed to assuming the worst
But I need to have faith in the reality
That I need to become one first 

Automatic, Problematic

My trust and my optimism

So up for debate

These obstructions so grandiose

And real as of late

These phrases and lines

So riddled with missed tense

Vision barely allowing the sight

Of an unsound bridge in the distance

Trying to prove I’m a man

Showing strength when I can

As I survey the rickety boards

That comprise this upcoming span

Even though I wised up and began

Shedding most of my demons at thirty

I still rarely trust any structure that might end up being a “Galloping Gertie”

It’s sure to be something much less

Than a pleasant and desirable ride

Although I can see the next stanza

Clearly awaiting on the other side

Will I plummet to my untimely death?

Will I perish simply chasing what might be next?

Will I truly have the faith I parade around town?

Or defect to the delectable devils taunting me by whispering “Don’t look down”

Trembling due to my status as the persona non grata

Burning inside because I know I helped cook that lava

Thinking back to a time where I would rather be godless than gutless

Somewhat saved, still aware of Christ my savior, but much less

Filled with trust inside and occupied by valueless pride

And the dulling pharmaceuticals that have kept me alive

Aiming to be fearless,

I truthfully return

But are we ever fearless, truly?

That’s my genuine concern...

Amongst other distractions,

Nary a one a game changer

Keeping thought bubbles melting

Instead of absorbing the danger

Now again on solid ground

These thought patterns remind me

I should really care more

If the overpass has crumbled behind me