"I am Me" by Kathy Hobson
Our next contribution to the 2017 Community Poetry Blog comes from Kathy Hobson. Thanks & keep those submissions coming!
“I am Me”
I say it at least
twice a week, maybe three or four times or more.
I say it when I need a lift.
I say it to relax; I say it to breathe deep.
I am not called to necessarily be successful in life,
but I am called to be faithful to who I am,
to who I find myself to be, to who Christ has blessed me to be.
It took most of a lifetime to be ok with the me I was discovering.
It took a lifetime to be ok with my faulty tweaks and unsure realities
Of not remembering the incident when remembering is everything,
Of losing my way in directions when following directions is everything.
Of not being fast enough, when speed is everything.
Everything that it takes to be successful in life!
But then I remember, I’m not called to necessarily be successful
I am only called to be faithful to the God who blesses me to be exactly who I am.
Faith takes me beyond anyone else’s expectations.
Faith holds me and cradles me in love for each day,
and the newness of life itself…for the only life I’ve been given.
My faith presents to me the gift that is me,
despite anyone else’s call to be someone faster,
someone more organized, someone with recall that is more certain,
someone with more panache.
My faith makes me smile in confidence.
My faith leads me to the God who is, and who tells me,
”I am who I am. I have sent you. Be who you are”.
That makes me smile.
I am called to be faithful, nothing more, nothing less.
I am smart but for the life of me,
I couldn’t figure out the why’s of my uniqueness;
The simplest jobs are supposed to be the easiest,
but then I am discovered. I’m too slow.
I’m slow in ways I don’t realize until the very end,
when it’s not enough, and the job doesn’t work.
What is getting along in this world if
the easy jobs aren’t easy and employment doesn’t work.
Quotas don’t work ‘cause I can’t work the quotas.
Unsure of counts, there are repeats, and uncertainties,
Jobs with responsibilities require memories that hang on
through all those small interruptions that throw my reality into untruth.
I look again for jobs that will work.
Life is hard, ‘cause the comparisons always come
unbidden there in my head when the results come in,
So I breathe slowly and deeply
Ruah… the breath of God….
It fills me and brings me into the here and now.
My faith is here where I am blessed
despite the jobs that others get and I might want,
despite being unsure what it is that I bring to this world.
I just about went down with the ship once
I was smart, but I couldn’t put it together.
Not-making-it weighed heavy upon me;
comparisons swirled about in my head,
and I just wanted the pain to go away,
the pain of knowing I wasn’t making it
In all the ways that seem to count.
There’s physical pain in depression.
It hurt like hell because I just didn’t know
how to be ok with my quirks,
when things take more time because I can’t remember
if I counted right or if that was the right instruction.
And I never know that I’ve taken so much more time until I finish
at the very last, although I did the best that I could.
To those who find repetition is the easiest thing, it is until it isn’t.
Depression is awful. I don’t want it back.
I resist the frustrations and the anger
of the comparisons that arise of my own making.
I breath deep and get outside where the air is brisk,
And there walking in the cold I find myself…. where God is,
Showing me all the blessings of my life just as I am.
Faith is a journey into strength and sunshine, and I breathe it in.
Faith upholds me, leads me to smile.
Faith is the blessing of the discovery of who I am.
I smile and have faith that I am me, and that is enough.
I smile and have faith that my faith is enough.
I smile and realize that at this time in my life
I have the best in life, stability, friends and some family, and love.
And that is enough.
I say it when I need a lift.
I say it to relax; I say it to breathe deep.
I am not called to necessarily be successful in life,
but I am called to be faithful to who I am,
to who I find myself to be, to who Christ has blessed me to be.
It took most of a lifetime to be ok with the me I was discovering.
It took a lifetime to be ok with my faulty tweaks and unsure realities
Of not remembering the incident when remembering is everything,
Of losing my way in directions when following directions is everything.
Of not being fast enough, when speed is everything.
Everything that it takes to be successful in life!
But then I remember, I’m not called to necessarily be successful
I am only called to be faithful to the God who blesses me to be exactly who I am.
Faith takes me beyond anyone else’s expectations.
Faith holds me and cradles me in love for each day,
and the newness of life itself…for the only life I’ve been given.
My faith presents to me the gift that is me,
despite anyone else’s call to be someone faster,
someone more organized, someone with recall that is more certain,
someone with more panache.
My faith makes me smile in confidence.
My faith leads me to the God who is, and who tells me,
”I am who I am. I have sent you. Be who you are”.
That makes me smile.
I am called to be faithful, nothing more, nothing less.
I am smart but for the life of me,
I couldn’t figure out the why’s of my uniqueness;
The simplest jobs are supposed to be the easiest,
but then I am discovered. I’m too slow.
I’m slow in ways I don’t realize until the very end,
when it’s not enough, and the job doesn’t work.
What is getting along in this world if
the easy jobs aren’t easy and employment doesn’t work.
Quotas don’t work ‘cause I can’t work the quotas.
Unsure of counts, there are repeats, and uncertainties,
Jobs with responsibilities require memories that hang on
through all those small interruptions that throw my reality into untruth.
I look again for jobs that will work.
Life is hard, ‘cause the comparisons always come
unbidden there in my head when the results come in,
So I breathe slowly and deeply
Ruah… the breath of God….
It fills me and brings me into the here and now.
My faith is here where I am blessed
despite the jobs that others get and I might want,
despite being unsure what it is that I bring to this world.
I just about went down with the ship once
I was smart, but I couldn’t put it together.
Not-making-it weighed heavy upon me;
comparisons swirled about in my head,
and I just wanted the pain to go away,
the pain of knowing I wasn’t making it
In all the ways that seem to count.
There’s physical pain in depression.
It hurt like hell because I just didn’t know
how to be ok with my quirks,
when things take more time because I can’t remember
if I counted right or if that was the right instruction.
And I never know that I’ve taken so much more time until I finish
at the very last, although I did the best that I could.
To those who find repetition is the easiest thing, it is until it isn’t.
Depression is awful. I don’t want it back.
I resist the frustrations and the anger
of the comparisons that arise of my own making.
I breath deep and get outside where the air is brisk,
And there walking in the cold I find myself…. where God is,
Showing me all the blessings of my life just as I am.
Faith is a journey into strength and sunshine, and I breathe it in.
Faith upholds me, leads me to smile.
Faith is the blessing of the discovery of who I am.
I smile and have faith that I am me, and that is enough.
I smile and have faith that my faith is enough.
I smile and realize that at this time in my life
I have the best in life, stability, friends and some family, and love.
And that is enough.